Broken
by NightmarePrince
Summary: Catherina Valentine is a broken girl, her conflicting emotions always threatening to overwhelm her. When the pain becomes too much, she cuts. Now with the release of her Debut Album and her Senior Year at Hollywood Arts, the stress and strain becomes too much. Who will be there when she crumbles. Contains Mature Themes, Collaboration with Dspee6 #Temporary Hiatus. Nxt Chap by April
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own "Victorious" or "Sam and Cat" nor do I own any characters who make Cameo appearances in this story.**

**Shattered**

**Chapter One**

Cat

I let out a low hiss of pain, tinged with demented pleasure, finding pure joy in the razor sharp cuts slowly appearing along my arms. It was so surreal, feeling all my stress and emotional pain just fade away to nothing, nothing but the exquisite caress of cold steel against my soft skin. My arms were already a tapestry, woven with delicate fresh cuts weeping copious amounts of blood. These bloody streaks were set against a whirling filigree of scars, some white and faded, most pink and raw.

It wasn't just my wrists though, the scars laced across my sides and belly and whirled around my thighs. I couldn't help it, sometimes I just needed to physicalize my emotional torture. I do it to escape the screeching voices, to escape the numbness which threatens to engulf me. I hurt myself, so others can't.

I start laughing hysterically at the growing pool of blood beneath me. I don't really understand why. I just have this growing sensation of euphoria spreading through my body. The razor slips from my grasp and clinks lightly against the pale baby pink tiles. I don't bother to pick it up. My left arm is a complete wreck already, my right just traced with a few shallow slits here and there. I don't need any more. . . today at least.

I'm beginning to feel light headed now, so I set down the razor and clamp a fresh towel down over my arm. Pain shoots through my body but I grit my teeth and bite back a scream, within minutes the towel is soaked through and I can't feel it clot like it usually does. I smile serenely to myself; maybe today will be the day I finally find peace. I've always been afraid to go that far before and now that I finally slipped too far, I have no intention of climbing back up.

I tried to stand up, to get to my bed so I could lie there and fall asleep next to my fuzzy purple giraffe my Nona had given me. She was one of the only three people who ever cared about me, the others had been Jade and Sam. I hoped it wouldn't be hard on them, I hoped they would realise I was now safe to spread my wings and fly.

After a single step I fell to the ground, overcome by a fit of dizziness and dashed my head on the cold floor. I felt myself slip away when I heard the faint screams. Or maybe I was the one who had become faint. I felt myself slip away to heaven's gate, my last image being my room-mates screaming face.

Odd. . .I didn't know Sam was an angel.

Sam

I had been at the store all morning doing the grocery shopping for the week. Yeah I know right, you would expect me to be the one robbing the store or sending Cat to do it. But she had been acting off these past few days and I thought it would be nice to do the shopping for once.

Don't get carried away. I was using her money.

It was only fair of course, she paid for the groceries and other home supplies and I paid the rent and utilities. The old lady had signed the house over to Cat as an 18th birthday present. I don't think it was much of a gift considering we were now responsible for all the bills. But it was sweet, that much I had to agree on.

I spotted an extra large can of bibble on my way to the cash registers, and taught maybe it would cheer Cat up. Despite whatever people think about my rough and abrasive manner, I really do care for the kid. Ok she was my age, but I always somehow saw her as a kid who needed my protection.

No I am not getting sentimental in my old age.

I don't know what it is. After Carly left for Italy and Freddie abandoned me, I had been adrift. It didn't help that I had a miscarriage shortly afterwards from all the stress. After that well I think I softened up to the world . . . just a little.

When I got home (after flipping of a guy who cut in front of my motorbike) I was greeted by a wall of silence. I called out for Cat, declaring that I had bibble with me. The silence was deafening. Something was wrong, very wrong. I knew that despite only living here a year that come sickness or health, Cat would have been waiting for me in the living room when she heard the rev of my bike. Besides that. . .she ignored the mention of bibble.

I hurried up to her room and my heart froze at the sight, the slowly spreading scarlet stain blooming from beneath the bathroom door. I screamed her name again, hurriedly dialling 911 on my pear-phone while I tried to break down the locked door.

I screamed her name again as I heard the wood splinter, pausing only to give the 911 operator our address before throwing myself against the heavy door again. When the door finally broke and I hurried into the room, I screamed, I couldn't help it. She looked so pale. And the blood, there was so much blood everywhere. If it wasn't for the faint movement of her chest that indicated breathing, I would have thought that she was already dead.

The paramedics arrived soon after and pried her from my stunned hands. I was in shock. Cat had always seemed so happy and yet she had done this to herself. Why?

I backed off sobbing as the paramedic, who introduced himself as Christian, began immediately rubbing her arms with a clear sticky gel.

He explained it was a coagulant, that it would temporarily close Cats wounds while they could stabilise her.

Ten minutes later I hurried behind them as they wheeled her into the waiting ambulance. I was bawling my eyes out. I had never cried like this before, not even when I lost the baby. I guess, Cat had become the sister I chose. The only real family I had left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own "Victorious" or "Sam and Cat" nor do I own any characters who make Cameo appearances in this story.**

**Broken**

**Chapter Two**

Sam

I hated hospitals. They had never been my favourite place to begin with, too many creepy old men handing out lollipops to little children for my taste. The deep aversion to these medical hells however, was a recent development of mine. I hadn't set foot in one since the accident.

Even now, when my best friends life hung by a single gossamer thread it took every ounce of my willpower to step within its glass doors. Every step was agony. The pungent smell of ethanol and disinfectant, the soft squeaking of hospital carts, the rhythmic beeping of heart monitors, it brought back too many memories.

I must have been sitting in the waiting room for hours based on the mountain of crumpled Monster Cans around me when Nona tottered in through the door, leaning heavily on Dice. Her appearance shocked me to the core; she had obviously taken the news very hard. She seemed to have aged twenty years since I last saw her, the wrinkles in her face seemed more pronounced and her eyes had lost their shine. Dice hurriedly set her into a soft rocking chair and then before I could blink, was at my side.

He asked if she was going to be ok. I lowered my voice as I told him exactly how bad Cat was, there was no point in upsetting Nona any further. To look at the kindly old woman as she were, you would think that a piece of her had died inside. I could relate. I knew what it was like to fear for the life of a person you loved more than you loved yourself. I knew the pain of losing that person anyway and in a way, it was worse than the looming fear. I would never wish that pain on anyone.

Dice's face drained of colour as I whispered how deep her cuts were, how she had cut so deep that she had managed to scrape her bone in two places or how she had lost so much blood that she had to have twelve blood bags transfusing into her at various parts of her body. He sank heavily into the chair beside me and buried his face in his hands. Strange, I had never really noticed how devoted the kid had been to Cat before, but looking at him now, I could tell that he looked at her in the same way I did. He saw her as a sister and I knew that Dice felt more love for Cat than I ever could.

Jade

"Get your fat ass out of my way before I cut you so deep you get a vagina," I shrieked at the male nurse who tried to bar my way. He stammered something about family only due to the serious circumstances of her injuries. I tried to push past him but he grabbed my arm. That was it. Whirling around I slammed my black stiletto boot into his groin and strode through the panelled wooden doors and into the critical care unit of L.A General.

The aura of despair in the waiting room was suffocating to say the least. My first instincts was to wrap my arms around Cat's Nona and whisper how sorry I was into her ear. I was surprised to feel tears threaten to overflow my mascara laden eyes. I had assumed I had already cried myself dry when Sam had phoned me with the news. I turned my head to nod at Sam and that kid who lived in Cats building before letting Nona bury her head into my shoulder and break into sobs. I stroked the old ladies hair as I felt the salty droplets descend over my alabaster skin. I rarely ever cried, but this was Cat. Cat who I had gone to kindergarten with, who had been my best friend since the day I had buried a pair on safety scissors into the arm of that girl who had tried to beat her up in first grade. We had been inseparable since then, despite her child like nature she had been my rock all through those years of abuse my father had dolled on me. This was Cat.

When I heard her voice I whipped my head around trying to find its source. I even called out her name in some form of fools hope. Then I realised that it was just the radio in the corner of the room. I couldn't help but smile when I heard her voice on the radio despite the dire situation. Her debut album had just hit the shelves last week and she was already a hit. I could just imagine the paparazzi storm she would face if she. . .no **when** she recovered from this.

_I'd like to say we gave it a try_

_I'd like to blame it all on life_

_Maybe we just weren't right_

_But that's a lie_

_That's a lie. . ._

_And we can deny it as much as we want _

_But in time our feeling will show_

_Cause sooner or later_

_We'll wonder why we gave up_

_The truth is, everyone knows_

_How almost, almost is never enough_

_So close to being in love_

_If I would have known that you wanted me_

_The way I wanted you_

_Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart_

_But right here in each others arms_

_And we almost, we almost knew what love was_

_But almost is never enough_

Her song went on and on as my tears dried away, leaning back into the chair next to Nona I took her hand in mine as a sign of support and settled down for the long wait.

I barely noticed when Sam left the room, all I noticed was the glittering droplets which sparkled through the air as she walked, before they splashed onto the cool linoleum floors.

Sam

I had to leave the room before I began bawling my eyes out again. I just couldn't deal anymore. I had come to Los Angeles to escape the pain and sadness of Seattle, the dull ache of losing my best friend and my first love within a week of each other and the white hot searing pain that I had come to associate with Amelia.

I had just decided on her name a few days before the accident. I remember brushing my hand over my swollen belly the morning I chose it, how I felt her soft kick the moment I whispered the name. I pushed thoughts of that time period from my mind. I couldn't let down that wall just yet, I just couldn't. Not when my mind was so frayed and tormented over Cat.

How could Cat do this to herself? To Nona and Dice? How could she do this to me? Did she have any idea how much we all depended on her. And as much as I wanted too, I could not condemn her actions without seeming hypocritical. When I had lost Amy, I had tried to kill myself too. I knew what it was like to feel so overwhelmed and battered by emotions that you just want to give up on everything, including life. I just wished Cat had come to me for help, I just wished I could have seen the warning signs. Maybe I could have prevented this.

It was only when I heard the soft gurgle that I realised I had wandered into the maternity and prenatal wards. When I saw that tiny ball of life with the tiny puff of blonde hair, swaddled in a snowy white baby blanket open her eyes for the first time.

The wall shattered.

I fell to my knees, hot tears burning down my cheeks as I shrieked my anguish for all to hear. Or perhaps it was my nails that burned as they clawed bloody scratches across my face. Why did my head hurt? I didn't realise till I saw the bundled clump of gold threads in my clenched fist that I had ripped out a handful of my dirty blonde hair by the roots.

I didn't feel the needle when it broke my skin. I just remember a babies innocent laughter and the feeling of strong arms lifting me into the air. Abstractly I wondered if I was dying, if the angels were raising me from perdition.

I dared not hope so. After all mothers who fail are no better than murderers in the eyes of God, I thought, as I faded into blackness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: ****Disclaimer: I do not own "Victorious" or "Sam and Cat" nor do I own any characters who make Cameo appearances in this story.**

**Authors Note: This story is from this point on collaboration between myself, The Nightmare Prince, and the fabulous ****Dspee6. Also Reviews are greatly appreciated, it motivates us author to write more seeing that people enjoy our works.**

**Broken **

**Chapter Three**

Cat

Blood

There was blood everywhere; it surrounded her little island, a deep crimson pool of red. Why was there so much blood? Was it hers? Where had the crystal clear waters and white crested waves disappeared?

The air was chill, the tropical sun having vanished into the murky sky. Murky Sky? The day had been so warm when she closed her eyes to nap on the shores of her Caribbean paradise. She shivered as she tried to hug the sun baked sand, leaping to her feet as she realised that the sand had turned to ash. Why did the trees look so stiff and white, she screamed as she realised they were made of bone.

Cat tried to run but instead she crumpled as the sky darkened beneath the wings of a thousand carrion crows. They tore at her flesh with their curved beaks, their talons scraping against her bones, shredding her veins and arteries. She screamed.

Louder and more piercingly as the desecrated beach began to blur around her, and burn with a blinding brightness. Were the doors to heaven finally opening? Could she finally enter the Garden of Eden after having spent so long in this paradoxical limbo that suspended her between life and death.

She hoped so, it was too much. She couldn't deal with the pain she caused anymore. Jade and Sam, Dice and Nona, they were all better off without her. They didn't deserve to have the misery she indivertibly caused, maybe now she could finally see the blessed meadows of heaven, or suffer for her crimes in the profaned pit that was hell.

She would welcome the suffering. She deserved the pain. She was just fat and ugly, the hate mail that followed the release of her newest album was proof enough of that. She was a filthy, ugly, obese slut. She didn't know why people put up with her, why they didn't just kick her to the curb.

The pain in her mangled body was slowly fading now as she became numb, she could almost hear her heartbeat begin to slow. It was serendipity, pure peace and light and love enveloping her tortured body. She rose, leaving her body on the island of bone and blood and ash and stepped towards the blinding light.

She was brought back to consciousness with a sharp slap across her face.

"You're welcome," smirked the raven haired teenager in the loose hospital gown leaning over her bed which was surrounded by gaping doctors and nurses. A particular white haired doctor looked as if he was about to faint there and then, the defibrillators in his hands threatening to drop to the floor at any moment.

Finally a nurse came to herself and hastily began to push the boy back to what appeared to be his bed in the adjoining cubicle.

Cat just managed to glare at her retreating sable haired saviour in silent, venomous fury before the pain medication in her IV drip knocked her back into a deep sleep.

Sam

I woke up in a hospital bed, thankfully fully clothed. I breathed a sigh of relief at that small mercy, I hated hospital gowns, I had never understood why they forced you into them, making you feel even more miserable than you previously had been.

As I got to my feet, I inwardly cursed myself for my stupidity at having a panic attack in a maternity ward of a hospital. I had to face facts. My baby, Amelia, was gone and she was never coming back. As cruel as that sounded, the realization seemed to life a weight of my shoulders and I felt lighter somehow. The months after my miscarriage had been some of my darkest times, the haunting memories had been what had spurred by move to Hollywood. Carly always said that good things happened to those who suffered, I guess it was true, because it not for the death of my baby I would never have met Cat.

Instantly I felt ashamed at myself, here I was having a jolly epiphany while my best friend lay dying of an attempted suicide. I leaned against the wall, trying to get rid of the feeling of dizziness when the nurse walked in.

"Miss, you really should stay in bed a little longer, it took a lot of sedatives to calm you down," she told me.

"I need to see my friend," I told her and when she failed to comprehend what I meant, I continued, "She was rushed here earlier today, she tried to kill herself."

"I'm sorry miss, but there have been no suicide patients admitted today"

"Don't bullshit me woman, she's easy enough to spot, red hair, petite build, green eyes."

"Miss, you've been asleep since yesterday morning." Glancing out the window, my eyes widened as evening twilight began to set in.

"I need to see her."

The stupid woman finally seemed to realize what I meant and called for a wheel chair. A wheel chair! Momma ain't no frigging invalid.

"No thanks lady," I can handle it myself, I walked a few steps and had to stop when the world began to sway alarmingly around me.

"On seconds thoughts, maybe I could use a ride," I said defeated, glaring at her smug smile long enough to send her nervously scurrying from the room.

There were three beds in the room they took me to, one was empty, the curtains had been drawn around another and on the third bed, furthest from the door and closest to the window, lay my best friend. Her eyes were opened thank God, but she was so pale. I winced at the three blood bags attached to her and the two bags of IV fluid, the needles were imbedded in her thighs. I understood immediately without having to even glance at her bandaged hands, I had seen them the night she cut them, shredding them into a mutilated tapestry.

"Hey," I said softly.

She ignored me, electing to stare at the ceiling instead.

"I don't know if you can hear me Cat, but I just want to say that I'm sorry if I did anything to make you do this. I hope you know that I love you, like I would love sister."

"You should be apologising for calling the ambulance," she said in a raspy whisper.

I was stunned. "I couldn't let you die," was all I could manage to say.

"I wanted to die."

"You say you want to die, but in reality you just want to be saved," I heard a voice say behind me. I turned and looked up from my wheelchair, to see a lightly tanned guy, not much older than us, standing there in a pale green hospital gown. I gave him a good once over.

His coal black hair was short, but still long enough that you tell he usually wore it gelled up into spikes. His eyes were a deep chocolate brown, so dark they almost appeared to be as black as his hair. The hospital gown hung onto his lean, lithely muscled body and ended just below his knees, he had a light tan, giving him the same complexion as Cat's friend Beck, maybe a few shades lighter and he was around 5'9. He was wearing a pair of flip-flops, but glancing back to the bed I assumed was his, the one that had had the curtain drawn, I saw a pair of biker boots lying near the small bedside cabinet. He was so good-looking, I almost missed the light scar lines on his wrists, and the track marks of various needles in the crook of his elbow.

"Who the hell are you bub," I asked.

"He's the idiot who woke me up," muttered Cat.

"I'm Trystane, I brought her back to life."

Jade

I was channel flipping when I saw her name on E! Celeb News.

"And in other news, Hollywoods latest teen pop sensation, Catherina Valentine was rushed to an undisclosed hospital due to an attempted suicide. A reliable source close to the songstress has reported that Valentine slit her wrists at her Venice residence earlier this week. Parents of the this famed singer can now only speculate, do we really want a cutter as a role model to our children?"

What the hell. Who the hell could have leaked the story. Not only had Cat's manager ensured the hospital and all its staff signed a confidentiality agreement but hardly anyone knew. There had been Sam, Nona, Dice and myself. Who could of leaked this story to the press and completed shattered Cats image. Hell I hadn't even told Beck.

Then it clicked. There was someone selfish enough to use their friends suicide to their advantage. There was someone who could have benefited greatly if Cat's new album attracted negative publicity and reduced sales. Of course it had to be her. Jade and Sam had both texted her, trusting her because she had always been such a close friend of Cats. She had even been at the hospital yesterday, crying snottily into a lacy handkerchief. And hadn't she held her phone to her face when they entered the ward and claimed to be using it as a mirror to make sure her makeup wasn't running too badly. She had been taking photos.

Victora Vega.

BITCH.

I was of my sofa in a heartbeat, my car keys in my hand as I yanked on my knee high stiletto boots. Tori Vega, you're gonna need a sealed casket at your funeral service.

I stepped into a crowd of Paparazzi.

"Jade, can you comment on Valentines condition?"

"Jade, do you know why she tried to kill herself?"

"Is it true that Cats been sleeping with Beck Oliver?"

"Is her suicide attempt because of the pressure from the upcoming Duel of the Songstress became too much for her?"

"Will she still be able to perform at the Duel?"

"Is it true that Cat was receiving death threats from Miley Cyrus?"

I barged through the crowd, ignoring their ignorant stupidity and making sure to stomp my heel onto as many of their shoes as I could. I got into the car and revved the engine, trying to ignore the speeding news vans that had begun pursuing me. They probably thought I was going to visit Cat in hospital. As if I would ever lead them there.

After a short relentless pursuit, I finally lost them. I smiled wanly as I drew my arm across my perspiration speckled brow. I couldn't see the road for a fraction of a minute when the news van suddenly appeared around the corner about to ram into me.

I swerved. . .and screamed as my car spun out of control, before ramming into the concrete barricade and flipping through the air.

**Read and Review. People. Its not that difficult and it inspires faster updates.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: ****Disclaimer: I do not own "Victorious" or "Sam and Cat" nor do I own any characters who make Cameo appearances in this story.**

**Authors Note: This story is a collaboration between myself, The Nightmare Prince, and the fabulous ****Dspee6. Also Reviews are greatly appreciated, it motivates us author to write more seeing that people enjoy our works.**

**So anyway this Chapter takes place a few hours after Jade's accident**

**Broken **

**Chapter Four**

Cat

"Are you going to take those?" asked Trystane, motioning towards the two large painkillers next to the beaker like tumbler that the hospital had provided.

"Knock yourself out," I said in an off-handed manner, I waved my hand back in a dismissive gesture and instantly regretted it as waves of pain ripped through my slowly healing arm. Ignoring the black spots that clouded my vision, I shook my head in an attempt to clear it.

He was welcome to the pills if he wanted them; I wanted to feel the pain of healing. I wanted to remember this pain so that I could use it as a motivation not to fail next time. Giving my painkillers to Trystane was a welcome change to hiding them in the vase of flowers that Dice had brought me.

A few minutes later, I felt sufficiently recovered to incline my head to stare at him from the corner of my eyes. He was gazing uncertainly at the pills now, wondering if I needed them more than him. My heart softened slightly towards the attractive jerk, his reluctance to take my medication showing me that he did have some compassion. A little. Deep, deep, deep down.

His grinned at me as I was lost in thought over his gesture of goodwill.

Drat, he'd noticed me staring. I had hoped he would have been too distracted with what I could only hope was a serious internal battle between the pills and me.

Did I really just think that?

I couldn't help it when my lips curled into a small smile. Dammit Cat, what's wrong with you, I thought. Why am I smiling at this hot idiot who brought me back to hell.

WHAT! He was not hot, I mentally corrected myself before I noticed he was wearing nothing but a pale blue hospital gown.

Ok, maybe he was a little hot.

"Liking what you're seeing?" he asked with a smirk. God Dammit, was he a telepath?

I stubbornly turned my head away and pretended to fall asleep.

"So why did you do it?" he asked as he walked around the bed to face me.

"Do what?" I said, feigning ignorance, as I turned my head the other way.

"Try to kill yourself," he said simply, walking around the bed again.

"Stop doing that," I turned again.

"Doing what?" he imitated me as he strode back around to face me.

I sighed, he just wasn't going to quit.

"Why would I tell a total stranger my problems," I said.

"Well, for one I won't be able to judge you since like you said, I'm a stranger. . ."

"An annoying stranger," I interrupted.

He carried on as if I hadn't spoken, but was it my imagination or was there a humoured glint in his eyes? I saw the slight smirk on his face. Yep, definitely not my imagination.

"Secondly because of these," he said, offering me his lightly tanned wrist.

It took me a while to realise what I was seeing but when I did, I gasped. Faint scars crisscrossed his arms, from wrists all the way down his forearm. I had known from listening to the nurse's conversations that he had been admitted because of an overdose, but I hadn't attributed it to him having suicidal tendencies. I had just assumed he was another one of the stoners from Northridge.

The first thought that struck me when I saw those scars though, was that they were beautiful.

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours," I whispered reverently, wishing that my own hands were well enough that I may caress the perverse beauty that ran along his arms.

"If we're going to do that, I'm going to need those pills," he said with a grin. Why did he fucking grin so much, it made him look even hotter (I had arrived at the conclusion that he was more along the links of gorgeous).

I smiled my first real smile in months as I nodded towards the painkillers and winked.

Tori

"So , can you comment on the recent suicide attempted by your close friend and fellow performer Catherina Valentine," asked well known gossip show host, Madelyn Banks.

I arranged my dazzling features into an expression I knew emphasised grief and loss as I answered, "Cat's doing well, I just hope she will be fully recovered soon. I just can't imagine her doing this to herself." I managed to work in a few stage tears hoping that it didn't ruin my make-up.

"Now Now, don't you cry," said a completely unfazed Madelyn, who seemed to be no stranger to crying celebrities (She wasn't, nobody would ever forget how quickly she had reduced Taylor Lautner to a blubbering heap)

"I just can't help it," I sniffled, "Catherina was just such an awesome person."

"Do you have any idea who the mysterious caller was who sent in photographical confirmation of Valentines suicide attempt."

"No, I doubt we will ever know," I said as I struggled to hold back a satisfied smirk.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, I was certain to use an untraceable e-mail account to send in the photos," I said before my face fell as I realised what I had just admitted to on live TV.

Madelyn sensed blood in the water, just like the gossip shark she was and she pounced.

"So it was you?" she said as her heavily made up lips curled into a ferocious grin.

"I didn't say that."

"Oh come now, you did. Can you tell America why?"

"I just wanted her fans to know, I wanted them to keep her in their prayers," I managed to say unconvincingly

"Really, so this has nothing to do with the upcoming Duel of the Songstress?"

"No nothing at all, in fact I hope that Cat will be recovered sufficiently to perform alongside me."

"By that, I assume you mean to eclipse you," said Madelyn.

"I don't like what you are implying," I answered warily.

"Well it's no secret that _Valentine_, Cats debut album has completely dominated the charts since its release. Is it true that your own debut single, _Make it Shine, _has not made the Billboard Top 100 like hers did?"

"She is a talented singer," I said cautiously.

"More talented than you?" smirked Madelyn.

"Of course not, _Make it Shine_, had already gone Gold in two countries."

"As opposed to the entire album going Platinum in twenty seven countries. Admit it Victoria, you were jealous of her success?"

"No."

"You were trying to discredit her before the Duel of the Songstress?"

"No."

"You saw her as a threat and you played dirty to eliminate her from winning, You knew the only way you could beat her was too discredit and destroy her image."

"NO," I screeched as I leapt at her across the couch and dug my nails into her throat.

"You Fucking Bitch," I screamed as two burly security guards dragged me away absently wondering how these two were in the sack.

"Guilty Conscious much," said a completely unruffled Madelyn into the camera.

Cat

"I haven't cut in years now," he concluded.

I tried to absorb it all, the constant bullying and self loathing he had faced, his silent battles with bulimia and depression, having to watch his sister bleed to death during an armed robbery, hearing his father assault his mother, hearing her being raped every night till she kill herself. It would be enough to drive anyone to killing themselves.

"I'm sorry," I said, and I meant it. Nobody should have to live through what he had.

He smiled wanly at me, "It wasn't your fault."

"Still," I said, "I would have to be human to not be sorry."

I was curious though, how did he escape the pain. His smile brightened slightly when I asked him.

"You just need to make yourself numb."

Trystane

"I just want to be free," she concluded.

I understood how she felt. I had felt the same way once upon a time.

But then one night I accepted the spliff, and it was a downward spiral from then on. No, it was an upward spiral, they helped free me from my pain. The drugs, the alcohol, the random one night stands, they had helped me escape my depression. They made me feel good about myself again.

"Why bother about what other people think?" I asked her.

"I have an image to uphold, I don't want to be looked at like I'm Hollywoods next Miley Cyrus or Demi Lovato."

"So you would rather die than be looked at the wrong way," I said simply.

"It's not that, it's just that I have fans and friends and family who all think so much of me. They expect so much and I just don't want to disappoint them any more than I already do."

"Screw them," I said simply, "It's your life."

"It is, isn't it," she said as if realising something for the first time.

Sam

I was walking out when the chocolate skinned stranger walked in holding a tray of red-velvet cupcakes. He looked oddly familiar but it took my frayed mind a few minutes to place him.

I assume I must have been looking at him questioningly because he shrugged and offered me his hand, "Andre," he said.

Now I remembered. One of Cats friends from that performance school, I had met him once or twice but honestly I couldn't quite place it till he told me his name.

"She's asleep," I said quietly and watched as his face fell slightly.

"I'll just leave these then," he said gesturing to the cupcakes.

I nodded as he left them on her bedside table and turned to leave.

"I was just going to get a bite to eat, want to join me?" I surprised myself by asking.

"I could eat," he said as he followed me out.

We decided on the Starbucks across the street from the hospital, both for its convenience and the fact that I needed caffeine. I was practically dead on my feet from the strain and fatigue of the past few days.

"I still can't believe Tori would do that," said Andre over his vanilla cappuccino.

Neither could I for that matter, I had somewhat liked the girl, having known her from all the times she had come to call on Cat. I had been stunned when I saw her on E! earlier today. She had been giving an interview about Cat's suicide on live TV! What the hell was wrong with that chick. The media fallout was everywhere; I could only imagine the shitstorm that Cat would face when she finally left hospital. I had seen the press statement before the interview and could only marvel at the Latina chicks stupidity at outing herself as the anonymous source.

"If Jade saw that interview, Tori is probably dead already," I answered with a smirk.

"I can't say I blame her," he said, "She destroyed Cats image."

We sipped our drinks in silence for a while as we waited for our food to arrive till he broke the silence again.

"Why'd she do it?" he asked me.

"I don't know," I said as he stared at me incredulously.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner then?" he inquired.

"We had to keep it quiet, but when Tori gave that press statement I realised that her friends should know, that's when I called her Nona to inform people who needed to know."

He nodded in me in understanding before narrowing his eyes at my own wrist.

Following his gaze I saw my single ragged scar. I self consciously turned my arm to hide it from view.

"That's not a coincidence is it," he said shrewdly.

"I went through some things a while ago," I admitted, "but it was while I still lived in Seattle."

I could see the look etched on his face, I could read the disdain and judgement written plainly across it.

"Don't judge me till you've walked in my shoes," I said with a glare.

"Who's to say I haven't? I'm just not a stupid attention seeking cutter, I deal with my problems rather than trying to take the easy way out."

"I lost somebody important to me," I said through gritted teeth.

"So? Did you want to see them again or some other stupid emo reason?"

I leaned across the table till I was really up in his personal space and slapped him with all the strength I could muster.

"I miscarried," I snarled at him before getting to my feet and stomping back to the hospital.

Jade

"Hold on girl, I got you now," I heard a voice whisper as I blinked into consciousness.

My entire body screamed out in pain as I felt a pair of strong arms extricate me from the tangled wreckage of my car. I counted myself lucky I could even be moved at all, the car having been turned into such a disaster zone.

I tried to speak but my throat constricted painfully as I opened my mouth.

"Don't talk," said the police officer who had pulled me out.

Looking up at him, I swore internally. David Fucking Vega of all people. That bitch was going to have more ammunition to fire courtesy of her fucking father tonight. Then the paramedic s pushed me aside and I was on a stretcher.

"Multiple lacerations"

"Broken ribs"

"Dislocated shoulder"

"Fractured leg"

"Sprained Neck"

The paramedics spoke on and on as I was wheeled into the ambulance, and after a while I just didn't care about what each of them were saying. I was just fading into darkness again.

Sam

I spent my time thinking about the what Andre had said. After speaking to Cat about him (Just crucify me for complaining to a suicidal person) I realised he had had to cope with grief and loss too, in the form of his murdered parents. I wondered what losing your parents must have been like. It's not something that I had thought about before, I didn't even know who my father was. According to my mother, the act of making me had been a way for her to avoid a speeding fine.

So basically the only clue I had was that my father had been a corrupt cop. Pamela Puckett hadn't really been much of a parent either, I doubt she even knew about Amelia. If something were to happen to her, I doubted that I would be able to cry of feel sorrow. She was already dead where it mattered, on the inside.

I sighed in confusion, this was a side of myself that I didn't really use often. The soft hearted girl inside me was not the person I was, just a facet of my conflicting personality.

I wondered if I needed therapy of some sort.

The television was on some music channel and the same blonde bimbo that broke Cat's suicide attempt to the world was interviewing the Spice Girls. Oh yes, they called themselves One Direction now. Or where they two different bands? I don't know, both groups look the same to me.

Cat was asleep in her bed. I shuddered at the heavy bandages on her wrists and had to turn away. She and I would have to have a serious talk about the cutting one of these days. I couldn't let a repeat of this incident occur.

I had no idea where the room's other occupant was. His name was Tristan or something similar. I can't really say I cared where he was either for that matter.

My eyes were closing, a testament to how exhausted I was seeing as I was in one of those really uncomfortable hospital chairs when I heard a voice I had never thought I would hear again coming from the TV. My eyes flared open at the brunette singer's music video.

_Like a ninja out of the dark, I'll steal your heart,  
I'll steal your heart,  
Maybe give you more than I should,  
Make you feel good, make you feel good!  
Like a tiger burning through the night,  
You're the fire, got you in my sight,  
Feel the music runnin' through my blood  
Can't fight my love (Oh-oh, oh-oh)_

What I need, what I need is a rocket to ride,  
To the beat, to the beat, we'll be moving all night,  
So baby just keep it rockin, keep it rockin, keep it rockin  
Better like what I see or it's sayonara

Under pressure watchin before  
Turning me on, chasin' a storm  
Yeah I'm falling into your sound,  
Don't let me down,  
Don't let me down!  
Like a tiger burning through the night,  
You're the fire I got you in my sight,  
Feel the music running through my blood  
Can't fight my love (Oh-oh, oh-oh)

What I need, what I need is a rocket to ride,  
To the beat, to the beat, we'll be moving all night,  
So baby just keep it rockin, keep it rockin, keep it rockin  
Better like what I see or it's sayonara!

Sayonara, sayonara, sayonara (yeah)  
Sayonara, sayonara, sayonara (D-Don't make me say it)  
Sayonara, sayonara, sayonara (yeah)  
Sayonara, sayonara (D-don't make me say it)

Body, hands all over my body,  
Work me out like karate  
Tell me boy can we kick it now,  
Can you hold me down?  
Body, hands all over my body,  
Work me out like karate  
Tell me boy can we kick it now,  
Can you hold me down?

What I need, what I need is a rocket to ride,  
To the beat, to the beat, we'll be moving all night,  
So baby just keep it rockin, keep it rockin, keep it rockin  
Better like what I see or it's sayonara!

Sayonara, sayonara, sayonara (yeah)

Sayonara, sayonara, sayonara (D-Don't make me say it)

Sayonara, sayonara, sayonara (yeah)

Sayonara, sayonara (D-don't make me say it)

Like a ninja out of the dark, I'll steal your heart,  
I'll steal your heart!

I don't know what shocked me more, that she was in Hollywood or the lewdness from the video. She, my formerly innocent co-presenter, had been dry humping a rock star I vaguely remembered from my childhood. I couldn't place his name right now but the nastiness of seeing her dance around like a glorified hooker hurt me deeply, like in the year that we had been apart she had completely forgotten herself. More so, she had forgotten me.

"Carly," I said, my voice laced with shock and hurt.

**Credits : Song "Sayonara" does not belong to me. It belongs to Miranda Cosgrove.**


End file.
